what happened to the pursuit of happiness?...

I've began to notice that our lives have slowly declined in morality and priorities. What ever happened to the pursuit of happiness over the pursuit of greed; the pursuit of love over the pursuit of lust; and last but not least, the pursuit of honor over the pursuit of success? I'm just a little confused here...is it me or has society traded in morals/values for vices? I'm not saying I'm a saint because we all know that I am not. I have my flaws and I sin occasionally if not often but what I'm trying to say is we're lost on our pursuit of instant gratification. Believe me, I am a strong believer in instant gratification but I'm not sure if I'd be willing to give up my values for it and get my priorities twisted into a knot. That's just asking for a one way ticket to you know where huh? I mean yeah, only God can judge you, but you gotta remember, he is judging you. I'm just saying, I wouldn't want to be the one getting his lecture about what he's taught and how much he believed in me for me to go and do something like "that". How disappointing. On that note, I feel bad that out of how ever many hours in a week, we spend about 90% working, running errands, sleeping, eating, or doing hygenic routines. What happened to filling up our lives with happiness and sunshine? Making memories and being around friends and family? This society has gotten me all types of conflicted and twisted. Maybe once I move away..say to another country one day, then things will change. Morals, values and ethics will change. I don't know if there's a problem with the world, with us personally or with this specific society. Only God knows and only God can be the judge; but remember, he thinks I'm bombdiggity. Peace&Goodday!

Loveless...positive or negative?

So it's been a while since I've written a post, yeah yeah I know. Now simmer down my loves because I have some interesting thoughts. Along with my inability to drag my butt onto here and type up some well rounded thoughts for you all, I have also been unable to find a possible soulmate..wait let me correct that just to take some pressure off of this thought; correction: potential mate. It has been approximately about 9 months since I have had a boyfriend. 9 whole damn months. I want to be clear, I am not hideous looking, or so I'd like to think, so I'm not clear as to the possible reasons why I am still "on the market". Possible reason #1.) I do not attract the men I am attracted to. #2.) I am too picky. #3) I really am hideous OR possiblity #4.) I am subconsciencely possessing traits that would push all potential suitors as far away as possible. Could this be a defense mechanism that sublimely just occured after my devastating last breakup? I have no clue but it is starting to irritate me because though it has not been 9 months since I have gotten some action, it has been a LONG time, nonetheless...And I simply do not want to lose my mojo. Now on the note of desiring a relationship, regardless if it is for the future aspect or the intimacy aspect, I have recently become aware again of all the crazy dramactical heartaches that seems to follow this "love" that we are all searching for. I read an entire entry, with horrible grammatical errors, today on how one of my acquaintences' "homegirl" slept with her "baby daddy" when she was out of the country. WOW, now that's some Jerry Springer shit. Then another one of my acquaintences recently got dumped by her long distance boyfriend, reasons unclarified. I know how bad that one hurts; it's so damn close to the heart. Its hard to hold onto a long distance relationship and it sucks when it doesn't work out because you then just became a statistic. It sucks to know that you're stronger and want something more than your spouse. Oh well, life goes on. With all these discrepancies in our journey for love, I begin to rethink my initial thoughts on this subject; am I actually the lucky contestant that doesn't have to deal with the weakness, unloyalty and betrayal? But if that is the case then why do I feel so incomplete sometimes? Only God knows I guess and with that only God can judge me and last night when I was in deep conversation with him, he told me I was the shit! (: So goodnight and PEACE!!!

somethings will never change...it makes you who you are.

1.) Family is one of the most important things to me, and it pains me to know that I'll never feel like I have a complete one...2.) I'm tough on the outside, but I'm really all mushy, and gooey on the inside.3.) When I love, I love deeply but don't ever take advantage of that, you'll regret it later on, on your own.4.) I believe in God. All Gods. I have faith in him/her/them and I know I will overcome all obstacles that are thrown my way.5.) My inner circle is very selective, but once you're in, you're in.6.) I tend to smile, even when I want to cry. Because I'm a soldier.7.) I'm stubborn, I will not deny and my pride gets the best of me.8.) I'm lazy but I'm also extremely hardworking. I'm a total oxymoron.9.) I can lay in bed all day, everyday with the person I love without any regrets.10.) I hate waking up early in the mornings, but I can't seem to sleep earlier at night.11.) Music soothes my soul. I treat it as neosporin for the scratches and scrapes of life.12.) I don't like overly excessive public displays of affections, but I love sneak attack kisses.13.) I want to do too much with my life, and one of my fears is that I won't be able to accomplish all of it.14.) I think everyone's life is like a movie; they just have to realize it and hollywoodfy themselves. Live a little.15.) I feel trapped in this city and I can't wait to fly free.16.) I love knowledge, philosophy and the grasp of empathetic openmindedness.17.) I believe in fate, but I know we have partial control. It's 50% destiny & 50% mindset.18.) I will probably never find "THE PERFECT GUY" but I'm sure I'll find "my perfect guy" one day, someday.19.) I want to live out all of my dreams, even if my dreams are always in HD IMAX screens. 20.) I will one day write a book.21.) I love dinner dates, movie nights, karaoke & life chats.22.) I hate "make out" sessions. I just don't find it a "turn on". I'd much rather have giggles, pecks, & "take your breath away" moments.23.) Happiness is #1 in my books.24.) I pray to both Buddha & the Lord at night. And there's a phrase that is always the same, everynight.."please bless my friends, my family, my acquaintences and everyone I've met today...."25.) Respect is big, very big; bigger than the big bang, BIG.


you know who thinks the world of me..remember?! Yeah, He thinks I'm the SHIT! Goodnight&GodBless!!!

uneccessarily high.....level of stress.

Damn, I am a slacker. Sorry for the days upon days of no updates. Life has been throwing me some weird kind of lemons...Yes, I am talking about lemons again, and NO, I will not write another WHOLE entry about lemons and lemonade. Jesus! Who do you think I am? A lemonade stand?! I assure you I am not. Anywho, so as you all may or may not know, I am happily employed at this gorgeously extravagant office on Bellaire Blvd., called Fidelity National Title Insurance Company, well just to update, I have been offered another job. Yes, ANOTHER job. I have been offered a position to work with the district representative for district 149 in Houston, Texas. It's a salaried position, $24,000 a year, which is pretty good considering that all I have is a highschool diploma, and a mediocre amount of college hours. I would get health benefits after three months with paid holidays and tons of experience opportunities. Well tell me why, I haven't jumped on this offer like most 20 year olds would? Please tell me because I'm trying to figure that out myself. Well with the job comes a GINORMOUS amount of responsibility and all that, "representing a district representative" crap. I'm not sure if I'm so down with that. I do A LOT of stupid shit and I know it, so this might be setting myself up to be rediculed. Not very bright in my book. What are the chances of being offered a once in a lifetime chance when the economy is in such a downhill spiral? Changing from a job that I love to one that I might not even be able to stand isn't settling too well in my mind, stomach or heart. The most important thing to me is obviously "happiness" so taking this position may or may not be an amazing opportunity for my future, but it may or may not also be the death of my "happiness". Yeah...great! And then on top of all this career/future/happiness crap, mister ex-love-of-my-life decides to actually email my bffl back and creates even more frustration with his crappy answers to my indirect questions. I need to just be done with it, say "fuck you, because you done fucked me", and run. Run until I've reached the ends of the Earth. This is so fucking pathetic. Even God thinks I'm pathetic, that's why he's just toying with my little squooshed up heart. Speaking of God..he thinks I'm the shit. Goodnight&PEACE!..

life's quirky mysteries...

So I said I'd write yesterday but I got a little lazy so I am forcing myself to stay awake and give ya'll something new to giggle and "amen" about, so on that note, it's just going to be a quick one tonight, sorry loves. Random bruising..yeah, I remember leaving off on that note on Friday so I guess I'll pick up from there. Don't you hate it when you find random bruises on your body and you have absolutely no idea where they came from? I somehow find crazy bruises on randome parts of my body that I cannot recollect where or when I had received them. I know it wasn't some ghetto cat fight or kinky sexpeditions; so where would they be coming from? Sometimes I wonder if I'm a sleepwalker and have not know, and if so, what kind of crazy adventures do I go on, half sleeping, to receive these beautiful black and blue marks all over my body. If it was kinky sex, I would have no problem admitting to the bruises. I mean I'm all down to point to a black&blue and just be like, "yups, that's from the pink handcuffs we broke in last night" but that would be a lie. Or if I were to honestly say "yeah I punched that bitch in her nose and she managed to swing at my chin", I would have no hesitation on continuing the story, but once again, that would be a lie. So where oh where do theses random bruises come from? What kinky dreams do I have at night? Or better yet, what sleepwalking rendezvous might I be having deep in the mysteries of the night? I seriously need to tape myself for a week, and attempt in discovering the answers. What type of life mysteries do you guys encounter? Any mysterious bruising or on of my all time favorites, the disappearance of socks and panties. Yeah, another life mystery. If you feel the urge, please comment and let me know that I'm not alone. (: I'd greatly appreciate it and I'm sure I'd get a great laugh out of life's mysteries. On that note, I need to sleep. I have and early start in the morning. Remember, only God can judge me and..he thinks that I'm the shit! Goodnight and PEACE!..

patience is a virtue..

Patience is so much of a virtue that the lack of it nearly makes me seem immensely indecent. For example, I'm attempting to wash and dry my sheets because it has been two weeks since the last time that I have done so and it makes me feel dirty. On the other hand, I'm super tired and all I want to do is nap. Now all I can think about is how I wish I were able to cut the wash time shorter in order to dry my sheets and nap. Though, if I were to cut the wash time shorter, my sheets would not be as clean as they would be if I would just leave the washing machine alone to do it's job. So I have a choice, 1.) let my brain and body suffer by straining it further and wait for the washer and dryer to complete it's jobs OR 2.) cut the wash and dry time by half and take a nap on not so clean sheets. Filth or exhaustion? Which one would you choose? Speaking of which I should go check on the sheets and place them into the dryer...3...2...1. Booooo, it is still spinning. The washer tells me "6 minutes" but I believe that that's a lie because the wash was only suppose to be "52 mins", and I put them in at 6:20ish-pm? It is now 7:53pm. Less than an hour my ass. The dryer is supposed to take 1:02, which will (if on-time), make my nap time begin at..oh shit, numbers, FML. No wait, I can do this! You take the seven and carry the two, divide by fifteen and I will nap at....9:15pm. Yes, 9:15pm. No, I'm not stupid, and yes I can add and subtract; and yes, I know that would make it 8:59pm, but it will take me 16mins to put the sheets on the bed and get snuggled up in it. OH! I hear the beeper tone, even though it doesn't beep, it goes more like "doo dee doo, doo dooo dooo dee doo". Time to go put it in the dryer! SWOOSH...andddd I'm back.

Enough of my "issues", next subject; so last night I decided that I want to download a movie to watch and so I did. I went to http://www.thepiratebay.com/ and decided to watch "Drag me to Hell". I'm a horror fanatic, only because I still have not found a film to scare the living jeebies out of me yet. When I do, that will be the day my horror streak ends. Anywho, this movie didn't sound too promising when I first saw the previews in theatres and I decided that I didn't want to waste my money or my time on such a film. But recently when I went to my underground movie site to look for a decent film to watch, I read plenty of good reviews for "Drag me to Hell", and what really intrigued me was the fact that person after person, commented on the ending being twisted and shocking. Curiousity got the best of me and so I decided to download it yesterday (hopefully there are no viruses, or I'd be pissed). I'm planning on scoping it out tonight and maybe I'll let you guys know what I think tomorrow. As soon as my sheets dry, I'm going to curl up into a ball and attempt to scare myself. And possibly giggle, or cry like a little girl.

Anyways my dog is being really weird. I don't know how to explain it, he's just in a really weird position that I always catch him in randomly. He sticks his butt into the air, and stretches forward and just freezes. HAHA, and for long periods of time at that! I must take images of him one day and post for you guys to get a good laugh. I'm looking for cute little oufits for him that are cheap, anyone have any recommendations? I don't want to be spending over $10 on a shirt for him. I think anything over $10 is rediculous. If you have any ideas, please let me know; he wears an XXS. Back to my indecency, I must now go stare at the dryer in hopes that it will get intimidated and work quicker. On that note, remember that only GOD can judge me and he thinks I'm the shit! Goodnight and PEACE!..oh and p.s., tomorrow's blog topic will be..you ready...RANDOM BRUISING!, yay!..okay really now, g'night&PEACE!..

BE A MAN!..

I've thought of so many things that I need to get off of my mind, so many issues but when it comes time for me to actually sit down and blog, I can't think of the topics that I've previously decided upon. Well anywho, luckily, just before I decided to blog, I ran into certain "comments" and "status" and "messages" that reminded me of a pet peeve that I wanted to share with you guys. I hate men who aren't "men". First off let me explain this before I go and piss off the, homosexual/transgender society. I have no problem with homosexual or transgender people, what I mean by men who aren't "men", I am refering to the heterosexual men who act like little pussy ass females. Dude seriously? And then they sit and try to figure out why the fuck girls don't like them. Well, newsflash you maggots, heterosexual women like men who are..well, MEN! Let me list the traits of a man who isn't a "man". 1.) Men who beg; oh dear God, I don't even know where to begin with this one. It is very irritating when a man continues to beg for something when a woman has already answered with a firm "no". Dude, don't you get it? "No means no", you know, like in law&order svu, when they talk about rape; "no means no", dammit! I think it's simple enough, have some dignity, some self respect, have somewhat of an ego, please? 2.) Men who obsess; please give me some room to breathe. Don't you dare call me every five minutes because I promise you, the next time that I see you, that phone will get accidentally thrown into a lake, or a swamp, or a pond, or the toilet, whichever one I find first. 3.) Men who nag/whine; I think this is somewhat connected to the previous one. Usually the men who obsess are the men who nag. I am the woman, let me nag, it's supposed to be in my nature, not yours. 4.) Men who have no balls; and no I do not mean physically. I just feel bad for the ones who don't have balls physically but I feel bad for myself to be around the ones who don't, metaphorically. Back to our basic instincts and traits, I'm a girl (you know the delicate flower, made of sugar and spice and everything nice), and you're the boy/man (you know the tough, "manly man", made up of snips and snails and puppy dog tails), so act it. I should not have more balls than you, ever. 5.) Men who are easy; just like how you guys like the chase, we do too. I want a man who has a little bit of a mystery to him. I need you to intrigue me, keep my attention, make ME beg for it a little; just as I will be doing to you. Keep the spice in my life.

I think that sums it up. This is something that I am constantly faced with, it's like an epidemic and no one wants to speak up about it. You guys always say that females "play too much" and that we never "keep it real", well boys, that's as real as it will ever get. Maybe if ya'll stop blaming us and actually sit and think about why we get bored so easily? That's why. People always talk about "dating like boys", well in all honestly, a lot of females date like men too. You guys like all those "games", so do we. Let's keep this shit on balanced fields now shall we? Everything you want, we want too. Let's make it happen and we'll all be happy. On that note, let me leave you off with a quote I read today that inspired me to write all this down, "I like a challenge, so challenge me. If I fight, fight me back. Know that I have my own mind.. and so should you. Nobody likes an easy girl...nobody likes an easy boy. Tell me when I'm wrong and admit when I'm right. Respect me, my actions, my words and feel free to argue as long as you kiss and make up, by the end of the night, but remind me as often as needed that you love me." Anyways, remember..only GOD can judge me and he thinks I'm the shit! Goodnight&Peace!